One of those nights
by Arlesanna
Summary: Cal and Gillian stay late in the office. Again. Because it's one of those nights.


**Author's note: this one shot was inspired fully by "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. **

**One of those nights. **

"If the lies hadn't come together."

"They always do."

It is one of those nights. One of those nights when they both reject the comfort of their homes and spouses. Bound by an unvoiced agreement they stay in the office until the night crawls all over the city and then one of them occasionally wanders into the other's office.

Their short meaningless dialogue segueing into rhetorical questions or vague answers inevitably leads them to a certain point at which no words are needed. A comforting silence takes over the room as they communicate through lip corners and eye flutters.

This wordless conversation is what they were waiting for. It is infinite even if it lasts for less than a second. It has been going on for years, every day they stealthily share a million thoughts, joys, fears, but it is never enough. That's why they have those nights.

***

He used to have a wife he was madly in love with, a gorgeous woman who made his head spin with desire. He used to not think about **her**. He used to spend whole days with her, thinking about work, not even really seeing her, not how she looked or what she was wearing. Still he would bathe in her comfort every day, chuckling at her childishness, awed by her skills and patience, accepting the help and care she would freely give. Slowly their little world emerged, a world ruled by the silent understanding. Somehow he managed to miss the moment when that little world turned immense.

When his wife left he felt like the ground was yanked from under him. Not only was he hurt and heartbroken, he was also lost. It was weird for a grown man to learn that Santa was a myth. (You see, he was the kind of a till-death-do-us-part man.) He felt like he wound up in the middle of the wild ocean with no land in sight. In that moment she was the only thing he could hold on to. She was soft and calm like water, embracing him with her aura, soothing him. He knew it was her who got him through that, he was not that strong. He just held on to her until his feet touched the ground again. Her embrace isn't suffocating - he is free to go any moment except now he is in no hurry.

He knows she is so very strong and stubborn, she got through so much on her own, acknowledging the support he offered but never quite accepting it. She doesn't even know that the first real feeling that broke the numbness he was in after his wife left was the desire to take care of her, to protect her. She is a very good liar, she makes herself believe she is all right and at the same time she's too smart to believe that. He just wants to be there when the truth catches up with her.

***

She has always thought about him. She knew he was troubled even when he didn't. He is a difficult and a very simple man at the same time. His emotions are raw and intense and sometimes he can't quite cope with them. She used to worry about him when he would come at the office angry and alienate everyone around him with sharp remarks. When his wife left him she almost went crazy trying to hold him within the confines of sanity.

Then her life started slowly but steadily falling apart. She lost her daughter and now her husband was slipping away from her every day, lured by the irresistible oblivion the cocaine granted him. She would never say it out loud but the moment he refused to talk about their loss with her, the very moment he left her alone with her pain she started despising him. She felt he was irreversibly lost for her even though he was there physically. The only things that kept her next to him were guilt and responsibility that won over her disappointment in him. So she stayed and did everything in her power to help him through, but every day she felt more detached from him, the word "marriage" started sounding increasingly hollow.

While the mutual understanding in her marriage subsided, her silent talks with Cal became more frequent. Now they both have more reasons to stay late in the office - he abhors being all by himself in an empty and somewhat lifeless house when his daughter is as her mom's and she dreads coming home to find her husband high or suffering from withdrawal. She can't even decide which is worse.

***

They are as close as two people can be and yet there's a line between them that sometimes feels like a mountain ridge. That ridge has been crumbling lately. It used to consist of their love for their spouses, of their separate happiness, of rules that were not meant to be broken. Now with his divorce finalized and hers just around the corner, in the light of their faded happiness those rules look too deliberate and each of them has already asked oneself if there is any point to them or to the line itself anymore.

Because of those questions now they need some physical evidence of that line: it can be a table between them, different couches they choose to sit on, or just some space. Both are wondering how much longer till a thin layer of clothing would be too much of a line.

Must be a few more of those nights.


End file.
